you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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