We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Come on in and take your pants off
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
