im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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