I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
