I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
