So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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