Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I wear drunk well.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
