It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
