you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
