I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize