the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
