one might say we're banned from that church
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize