everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Randomize
