He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize