I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
