Where are you?
In a non slutty way
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
