I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then my night got REAL pukey
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
