Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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