Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
