Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
