Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
