your parents love me but you hate me
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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