I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
