Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
