I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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