yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize