somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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