Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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