And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
