it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
