All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
