Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
