i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
