If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
