Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
