yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
