i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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