i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
