I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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