The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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