you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
