I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
