Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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