You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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