Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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