I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize