maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
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