That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
