You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
