She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I supernannyed him into submission
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
