so explain again why im purple
no
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
