This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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