pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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