Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
