so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
