Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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