I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
