We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Damn victory sex feels great
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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