I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Randomize
