ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
