hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
