i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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