i jhust puked up my retainher.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
