Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
