god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
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