Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
