just come out here and I will go home with you...
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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