The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
