haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
