its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
