Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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