Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
