I think my fart just growled at me.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
