Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize