I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
