I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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