PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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