OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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