dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
