i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize