I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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