I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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