I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
There was a lot of him and a little penis
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
