I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
