my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
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