I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
try to milk me bitch
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