I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
