I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
