i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
