What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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