Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
