Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
