there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize