At least make sure they are 18
Why
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
