If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
