The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
