Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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