Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
