Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
