there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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