if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
