can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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