Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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