Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
