theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Randomize
