he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
