she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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