Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
